I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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