and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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