there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
