he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
