A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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