Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
