i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
