it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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