Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
