You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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