I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
