i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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