I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
