this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
