She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
