i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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