Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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