went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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