I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
