i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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