Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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