How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
