and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
