If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
