i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
