Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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