I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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