hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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