i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
