considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
