I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
