I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
so much tequila, so little girl.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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