he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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