ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
