She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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