im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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