I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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