Got a toothbrush?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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