Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize