I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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