Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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