Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you didnt know i had herpes?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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