Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
