well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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