I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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