You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
