TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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