Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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