I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
