This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
