we have officially lost it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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