Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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