it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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