Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
