Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
