she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
