we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
