Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
