TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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