hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
