I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
