Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am one with the molecules
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
