Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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