But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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