I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
