i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize