you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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