She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
