Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
